- | A Unique & Original Animated Universe | A Unique & Original Animated Universe

Shirt Happens is an original animated universe that chronicles the adventures of anthropomorphic shirts and other clothing as they compete for money, power and influence in an enormous social project built to be a metropolitan shopping paradise - the International Mall City of America (IMCA). In the IMCA it's always 4:20 somewhere!


Shirt Happens 420 Comedy Trailer 2 Legalize!

A preview of the second batch of skits we put together in the last few months. 1. Cooking With Big Ang 2. 2012 Presidential Debate Parody 3. Hillbilly Sister Wife 4. Take Your Teeth Out 1 and 2 5. "Epic Sales Scam Fraud Exposed Sellout Pwnage"

Obama Vs Romney Presidential Beatdown 3D!

The two presidential candidates Obama and Romney battle it out ahead of the big "final round" on Nov 6th. We don't endorse one candidate or the other - it's up to you to decide! Go out and vote! Check out that "3D" blood effect! Fuckin' Slobberknocker!

Character Profiles
Character Profiles
The International Mall City is home to a vast array of personalities from around the world. Check out background info on some of the most prominent figures in the Mall and get acquainted with the complex network of alliances and rivalries that define its wacky culture. In the IMCA it's always 4:20 somewhere!
F-ART Gallery
F-ART Gallery
View art submitted by fans as well as custom pictures and drafts that were used to make past videos. The more you submit, the better the collection will be! Outstanding pieces will be featured interchangeably on the homepage.
Featured Comic Collection
Featured Comic Collection
An original volume of comic strips and storyboards based on 420 humor and Shirt Happens lore. Enjoy these mini-stories and gain perspective on events past, present and future. View new Shirt Happens Comix from Vol 1 now! ALERT: Frequent Updates

There are no official boundaries to the IMCA because it is a self-contained city and is constantly expanding. New stores, people and creatures make their way into the mall and fuse themselves into its landscape. There are events year round and the worst of the worst celebrities come to the mall to boost their own egos and flaunt their "talents." With dynamic political, economic and social systems evolving from the moment the doors are opened the IMCA is an interesting place and a potential goldmine for most of its clothy inhabitants. Alliances will form. Enemy factions will go to war. Invaders will stake their claims and tons of ganja WILL be choomed! It's 420 humor unleashed! Tune in to see what Shirt is about to Happen next!!!

If you are a fan of our comedy please click on the You Tube link at the top of the page and subscribe to our channel. Show your support by giving us a thumbs up if you like the videos.

Shirt Happens Comedy - Grand Opening Pilot Trailer

A preview trailer of the half-hour Shirt Happens pilot episode "Grand Opening." Ganja chiefing and violence mixed with character introductions kick-off the series. This is also the debut of the new Shirt Happens intro with a shout out to all the haters... Enjoy! Watch on our YouTube Comdy Channel for best quality!

"Obama Vs Romney 2012 Presidential Debate Comedy Parody"

Democratic President Barack Obama and his Republican challenger Mitt Romney "square off" in a quick and honest exchange to finally tell the people how they REALLY plan to govern. Anybody who has lived in the U.S. for the past twelve years can understand the underlying message in this video.

Honey Muu Muu's Hidden Talent

An animated parody of Honey Boo Boo featuring Honey Muu Muu and her gassy mother Shamumu as they reveal their new talent to win a pageant. Sugar Badger also shows moral and bowel support.

Cooking With Big Ang

Big Ang breaks down her favorite childhood dish and gives a glimpse into her glamorous lifestyle. Marlo demonstrates Big Ang's unique recipe in action!


10/7/12 Just released Take Your Teeth Out 2 and finished up that series, and so now I'm now to the next big project, an on-going effort that I think will bring in tons of views over it's lifetime: The Shirt Fighter 1 engine!! Basically I want to be able to create fight / action scenes with real-time damage and side-scrolling action. Mixed in with randomized violence by two combatants will be scripted events and background hazards to spice things up. The feel of these battles is meant to be like the "Peter Vs Chicken" skits on steroids. They won't look as polished but that's the idea. This engine will get it's first real test in an "Obama VS Romney" fist-fight parody, which will allow me to release a video before the entire engine is complete. This first version will only include fists and no weapons. I don't want any knocks from the government! But rest assured, before the Shirt Fighter engine is done there will be lots of unique and ultra-violent combinations and weapons that will give us the freedom to make an almost infinite number of fight videos using any number of various characters and backgrounds. This is also the direction we want to go in for our first video game based on the Shirt Happens 420 Comedy Universe; naturally it will be a fighting game and hopefully will be available on our website and on android and iphone mobile devices as well. That game could take forever to make and won't come for a good while because the engine will be more refined with each new video, which will tempt us to push any game release back to include the changes.

10/1/12 Happy to be finished with the Obama VS Romney debate skit and also happy that it flows better than previous skits. I think we are getting close to finding a sweet spot when it comes to the timing and flow of the videos. Also we are planning to have a nice boost in views due to the fact that this will be our first "relevant" video tailored specifically for a social event. Honey Boo Boo is a relevant video but of course is for more of a niche audience but also is relevant for longer than the debate will be. It will be interesting to gauge the effectiveness of this first round of our targeting efforts.

9/25/12 Just finished working up this Jobber and BJ skit that's been a long time coming to that prick "BJ"! It's funny and useful when you can be inspired by true assholes to create characters that strike a nerve. Our latest skit? The Obama VS Romney DEBATE! Finally! I've been waiting to do this one for awhile and we have really laid it on thick with the overall message that politicians are bought and paid for as well as the our country's need for more than just two "opposing" parties for government. More thought bubbles!

9/16/12 Not getting much done due to a lot of time going into research about promoting and cleaning up little things on the site. Been working SEO on the site pretty hard, setting up ad campaigns and posting like all hell. I'll probably only release Take Your Teeth Out 1 this week, which will take advantage of our new "thought bubble" feature first debuted in "Cooking with Big Ang." The bubbles are a hit!

9/08/12 New developments over the last week for sure. Went ahead with plans to release a nice collection of 420 humor skits we've been working on the last few months, Fahqmed's First Third Wife, Hillbilly Sister Wife, Mitchondrial Sleeve and Herro Chinese Food. Learning to promote videos better using creator and viewer forums.

9/01/12 Basically we have decided to bombard You Tube with our 420 humor starting with the pilot, honey boo boo and the SwagonBallZ IV:XX Theme Song. We still have a bunch of content to release, most likely next week, and all of this stuff has been building in the last two months with the exception of the pilot. We're confident enough now to go ahead and start building an audience, and hopefully we got some positive feedback.

8/24/12 - It's been two weeks since we released "Jobber's Customer Service" and we're mostly done with our next animated comedy skit "The Honey Badger Rises." It had to be shuffled together quickly due to the circumstances and the looming first week of college football. Be on the lookout for our next skits which will be Shirt Calls 2: When You Take Your Teeth Out, and following that will be a skit that will allow us to vent the recent workplace audit which also slowed production. We have so much shit we want to vent about... the Fall 2012 launch is looking to be more and more of a reality.

8/20/12 - Finished with "Scoot's Big Day" but it hasn't been edited yet...Because we just found out our home team LSU has lost the FUCKING HONEY BADGER. This has prompted the immediate necessity to create the next 420 comedy skit before the season opener; a skit that hits particularly close to home: THE HONEY BADGER RISES! Fair warning: this will not be what you expect!

8/14/12 - Recorded and finished the next skit "Fahqmed's First Third Wife." Now beginning work on "Scoot's Big Day."

8/7/12 - Yesterday we set a new record by conceptualizing, writing, recording, animating and editing a new 420 comedy skit, "Jobber's Customer Service", all in one day! We even created a new character and background to be used in the video. I think we'll celebrate by posting it early.

8/1/12 - "Mitochondrial Sleeve" finished. Next Project TBD. Finalizing animated launch content and pitch content. This is the polishing stage for all content and code.

7/22/12 - Saw DKRises. Inspired to churn out better cartoon content! New skit in the works - "Mitochondrial Sleeve".

7/20/12 - Website is looking and working great for a first build. "Herro Chinese Food" finished. Was looking forward to Knight Rises and then some a-hole went postal.

7/15/12 - The website is about 90% complete for its frst build. It will still need polish work on the code level, but it is functioning and visually acceptable now. Beginning work on new kind of skit, Shirt Happens Calls, which will debut with "Herro Chinese Food."

7/10/12 - Tightened up functionality of buttons and alignments. Content posted in multiple areas. Custom Android widgets coming along perfectly.

7/05/12 - "The Stery of Hurricane Katrina" comedy skit complete, waiting to post until a few more things are lined up. This will be the "launch" skit.

6/29/12 - Website looking better, added functionality and beginning work on new animated skit - "The Stery of Hurricane Katrina, Jr."

6/23/12 - Purchased and updating website, building final pilot episode pieces (uncensored) and writing scripts for future skits and comics.

6/15/12 - Website design drafts finished. All pilot episode pieces are complete but not edited. More comics finished too.

5/20/12 - Maypril is winding down and it's back to working harder than before. Planning to acquire website and use drawings inspired by Maypril awesomeness to enhance new projects.

5/03/12 - Finished 3 new comics and beginning recording on pilot episode pieces final edits.

4/27/12 - First major Maypril breakthroughs, lots of comics ideas are being drafted and more custom fan art being created.

4/20/12 - Maypril is beginning and we are planning out the website and finishing the cartoon pilot episode builds. They will be recorded and edited later, but they are nearly perfectly function-wise. This is the perfect time to really push our effort on this project into overdrive since our 420 humor is peaking at this time of the year.

4/1/12 - After two plus years of work we will begin documenting progress on the show as we prepare for pitch / launch season. You Tube, Facebook and Twitter accounts are being acquired. At this point we have built the system used to animate and record the show, and we have finalized the production of the raw pilot video.

These are the Shirt Happens Comedy Cast of Characters - There is a much better view at the Shirt Happens Character Profiles Page


Ben is the brother of both Cen and Money and serves as a reliable source of very hard to find items. As the owner and operator of the IMCA's most impressive variety store Ben has access to items of all types from guns to high-level technologies. Although Ben is known as a prankster and trash-talking champion you will never see this stealthy shirt clown around with his money or his freedom.


Bo'Jangles' first and last job was at Jerk in the Box and he was only hired because no one else showed up for the open interviews. He eventually got his other friends on (DJ and Sloppy Jo), they all were fired the same day. Since then they have all been found in the dumpster alley of the mall. Bo'Jangles was the first pair of jeans thrown out from the sweatshop because a slow worker made one leg shorter than the other, causing humiliation that turned Bo'Jangles into a hopeless drug addict.

Bruce Chi

As a young baby shirt in China, Bruce Chi's famiry was attacked by the vicious and savage Dong Hung Lo Clan. His famiry did not survive but Bruce Chi vowed to live on and teach his famiry's philosophy and fighting techniques to everyone who was willing to learn. Bruce Chi is a master of creating techniques which incorporate multiple fighting styles. He harnesses his own Chi to the maximum to cause immense damage. His plans are to one day use his students to avenge his entire famiry and annihilate the Dong Hung Lo Clan once and for all.


BunnTequifa is the mother of Bunntisha and the current matriarch of the entire Bunne family. Her name is a monument to Mitochondrial Sleeve, the "Mother of all Clothes" who is said to have the longest name of any being who ever lived. She raised Bunntisha and many others in a series of different New Orleans hoods so that all of her children would be able to survive and prosper on their own. The IMCA has proven to be a magnet to her entire family and they plan on making their own mark on the mall by claiming a territory they will call Nueaux Nah'lins ( New New Orleans ) .


A pair of Booty Shorts that don't take no sh*t and is known around the mall as the "Jill of all trades". Originally on display at a New Orleans thrift store but since relocated to the IMCA she has been known to possess many cashier jobs. This leaves her more times than not with the latest in fashion, weave / hair accessories and cosmetics. Be wary around her because she is as slick as her lip gloss and as fierce as her blunt scowl. Do not dare to engage in any sensible conversation with Bunntisha because it will be met immediately with the most unpredictable remarks and actions.

Burka Durka

A shy and quiet woman from the mountains of Buttstankistan, Burka Durka met Fahqmed while he was searching for his first third wife. He acquired her through a trade of 9 pieces of goat cheese and 11 pieces of camel jerkey. Fahqmed's goat cheese was the finest her previous owner had ever tasted and they decided to buy some stock for herself and her family while Fahqmed formed a chain of 9-11 Convenience stores. While the circumstances of their courtship are unknown, Burka Durka soon became a regular fixture in the store as the two were wedded shortly after they came to IMCA. Although known to be there anytime Fahqmed is there she can be very difficult to spot as she has a tendency to disappear suddenly while mumbling quietly in her native language.

Dr. Cosmo

Dr. Cosmo is the only confirmed genius in the mall. Despite his incredible scientific discoveries he has been ridiculed for his achievements in fields from technology to biophysics. Shunned from the universities for his ground-breaking yet dangerous experiments that help him come up with all his intricate machines, Dr. Cosmo chose to seek out private donors to carry out his research without restrictions. He has found Cen and Money to be his best source of both money and ideas to challenge his scientific abilities. The proposition to come run a private lab at the new International Mall of America with two of the biggest investors in the project. With the resources and space he needs to conduct he is now comfortable enough to begin the large scale experiments and projects that have made him infamous, but this time he fully intends to push the limits of science itself.


The man known only as DJ is just one of the many bums who frequent the mall but is the most popular by a landslide because of the unique voice he perfected as a radio host many years ago. Fame and notoriety got to his head and he began drinking hourly to deal with the pressure of constantly being in the spotlight. He uses his surprising voice to earn more than any other beggar and to get himself out of trouble when caught loitering. He spends most of his “earnings” on booze at the mall liquor store where he sometimes sleeps in the bathroom due to an arrangement he has with the owner. The other bums envy him and follow him around in hopes that he’ll give his money away freely while drunk or just pass out so they can take it all. Every now and then the mall administrators will allow him to make announcements over the mall intercom in exchange for a free meal or a gift card to the liquor store. Despite his hopeless addiction and tons of cursing shoppers he endures daily, DJ is content with his situation and has no desire to change a thing.


Growing up in the desolate deserts of Buttstankistan Fahqmed never imagined himself ever immigrating to the United States. However, a surprise abduction by spies of an unknown origin landed Fahqmed in Guantanamo Bay where he served two years before being released for a lack of evidence. Fahqmed found some sleazy lawyers who decided to sue on his behalf and won him enough money in court to start a life in America. The only condition was that he must start a business to help the American economy, learn English and pay taxes. With Fahqmed's only skill being his knowledge of how to make goat cheese he decided to aim low and start a business that many of his countrymen had already been successful at in America, a convenience store. Fahqmed did not want to start a business in the slums because of being terrified of thieves so he set up shop in one of the most heavily guarded places that he could think of where he knew he would fit in, The International Mall of America. With his limited English and having never paid attention to news out in the desert, Fahqmed could not decide upon a name for his store but eventually chose to base the name off of the nine different varieties of goat cheese and eleven flavors of camel sausage/jerky he would specialize in selling at his store. Fahqmed opened the controversial 9-11 Convenience Store & Deli and his business has thrived ever since.


Hoody was stiched in a jail in Taiwan where he promptly learned the art of dispatching other clothes in order to survive. Hoody is a gritty, low down and violent thug who does whatever it takes to prove he truly is keeping it REAL. Hoody generally keeps his criminal activity low profile but makes sure to be available for any mall conflict for the right fee. A loner by nature and an unhinged ally, Hoody fits in perfectly with Bunntisha and Sly's inner circle. They will frequently use each other to carry out immaculate screw-overs on enemies and monetary targets.

Jenny Sue Bob John Bob

Jenny Sue is a country gal with little education and even little ambition. Her main priority is to marry and have kids before she gets old and ugly, and in the woods where she was raised that happens around age 14. She is the twin sister of Billy "Scoot" Bob John Bob and has expressed her willingness to marry several times, but Scoot always manages to weasel out of commitment. Jenny Sue enjoys playing banjo, starting yard trash fires and flashing people while at biker parties. Many believe she is the source of a recent IMCA outbreak of herpes, but she insists that the only reason her crotch looks infected is because of the constant biting of the bed bugs and chiggers that live in the woods surrounding her barn.

Mr. Jibbs

The creepy mascot of the greasy food court favorite Jerk in the Box,. Mr. Jibbs can usually be described as mellow and harmless with teenage impulses and a severe lack of work ethic. However Jibbs is also known to randomly act completely out of character and you may see him grope customers, scream obscenities and beat the crap out of food court patrons. A loose cannon with tri-polar tendencies, Jibbs is inches away from going ape-sh*t at any given time.


A lifelong career floater with no real expertise in anything, Jobber is a Chump-of-all-Trades that manages to rub everyone the wrong way. His abrasive personality mixed with a pessimistic world-view combine to make him an utterly impossible shirt to tolerate in large doses. While Jobber freely admits that he works dozens of jobs and claims to get paid well at all of them, Jobeer has made it clear that he feels himself to be far superior to the average worker. In his mind he is an intellectual giant and everything in life is going exactly as he planned it. When he begins to let reality sink in and sees his true station in life he inflates his ego even further and becomes an even bigger cynical jerk than he is normally in order to try and make himself feel better about his personal shortcomings.


Stitched and raised in the mean streets of Mexico City Jose had to toughen up early in life if he was to survive the gauntlet of poverty, violence and lawlessness that plagued his hometown. Jose joined a gang to make money as a teenager and eventually was imprisoned in the United States for drug smuggling and entering the country illegally. Through sheer incompetence and disregard of the law Jose was somehow lost in the shuffle of immigration enforcement and released to the general public. Vowing never to be imprisoned again and free from the threat of retaliation from his gang far away in Mexico, Jose has dedicated his life to achieving the American dream. Jose is stubborn, easily agitated and has very few contacts inside America but is nonetheless determined to start his own gang of mostly non-criminal immigrants who will help him build an empire the way his idol Scarface once did. The plan is to recruit others who share his beliefs of hard work, ingenuity and a “unique” brand of Catholic values. The largest mall in America is the perfect place in Jose’s mind to start his quest for greatness and he plans to do whatever it takes to reach his goal. Jose continues the search for his long-lost brother, Jos' B.

Abraham 'Juno' Junosovick

Juno is one of most intriguing and polarizing figure in the entire mall. Naturally witty but generally indifferent to everything going on around him, Juno found himself disinterested by the prospects of being just another doctor or lawyer like everyone else in his affluent family. He ended up majoring in the arts in college and eventually spiraled into a lifestyle that included hard drugs and long nights out on the town using his family’s money to fund it all. A short stint in the county jail inspired Juno to turn his life around and he eventually opened Usury Finance in the heart of the mall. Using his family’s connections he secured a spot as the preferred lender for most every shop in the mall, all while charging the absolute legal maximum of 33% interest. His devil-may-care attitude and pointed comments are considered abrasive at best but in general no one takes any personal offense. The exception to that is Faqmed, who regularly refers to Juno as the “Jew-nosed Coke Sniffer” and aims to one day drive him out of business and out of the mall altogether. Naturally Juno is unconcerned with Fahqmed or his opinions and chooses instead to turn the other cheek.


Jupcake is an annoying but lovable baby shirt who is fascinated by causing mayhem and taking things away from any shirt in his path. Normal parents hold their offspring at bay in public, but Jupcake's parents take a different approach and let society teach their child the way of the Mall. A seemingly endless supply of energy and being too young to prosecute make Jupcake the unknowing but perfectly willing accomplice to any shirt who is able to put up with his presence. Some say Jupcake may be shirtarded, but others will tell you that he knows exactly what he's doing...


Kitana is a trained warrior and talented order-taker at the Kitana restaurant. The owner, Wan Hung Lo, named it after her because she has been working there since he bought her at age two. Kitana lives to serve and does not plan to marry or stop working at the restaurant until there are no more customers left or Wan dies and releases her from her duties. Kitana is loyal and hardworking but also serves as a lieutenant in the Asian Mafia of the IMCA in her spare time. Kitana can strike with deadly force from any shadow and is perfectly willing to kill anything that would dare disrespect her famiry.

Mall Cops - Ronnie and Paul

Ronnie and Paul come from different backgrounds but both were drawn into law enforcement by their incredible need to feel control over others. Unable to carry firearms and armed with little more than plastic badges Ronnie and Paul patrol the mall trying to find the weakest looking people to harass so as to avoid any real risk of injury. Punk kids, old people and undersized foreigners are all at risk of a random cavity search so that the suits don't figure out that these two essentially get paid to eat snacks and stare at teenage girls all day. Unfit for anything that requires combat skills or quick thinking these two have spent a lot of time discussing the best places to hide in case of an actual emergency and have determined that they would be safest hidden in the passageways that run behind the food court restaurants. Lazy and unashamed they often find themselves taking credit for crimes foiled by Sergeant Silvera and others. When these two took the oath to "serve and protect" it seems that they preferred to hear "serve with disrespect."

Mike Jersey

A true fanatic who loves American football, Mike Jersey is often times crude and direct about his opinions on everything from the players themselves to the price of a ticket and anything else that comes to mind when he's drunk and amped for the game. When not ranting or howling jeers at opposing fans you can find Mike cooking gigantic meals out of his RV or connecting his three generator-powered HDTVs to a satellite feed for maximum sports coverage. If you manage to out-spend Mike on game day festivities you better pass out with one eye open.

Moony Feelgood

Moony is the mall's resident hippie and is a known agitator, especially when political tensions are high. Despised by mall authorities and ignored by many of the mall's regular guests, Moony has found his niche among the druggies, vegans and people who are generally too nice to express their annoyance. Moony was the last of many children his father had with many women and received the least attention or money as a result. Although lacking in vital emotional support as a child, Moony was rich in enlightened rhetoric imparted from both of his flower-child parents. From conspiracy theories to methods for survival in a state park without getting a job, Moony was immersed in the hippie culture from the time he was a baby. After years roaming from one park or campground to another, Moony finally found the mall where he could hang out 24/7 and take his professional leeching skills to the next level. A lifetime spent doing drugs of all kinds and sleeping around with hairy people of all types, however, has taken their toll on Moony's social skills. Moony tries to express his opinions eloquently but often just ends up exposing his ignorance. Even these shortcomings do not stop him from skimming enough money from shoppers to sustain his scrawny, pasty body and also having enough left over to indulge in hippie luxuries like deodorant and toothpaste. He bathes in the mall bathrooms but is never caught because he has memorized the schedules of all mall janitors. Moony spends his down time in the mall head shop preaching his cultural outlook to anyone who will listen.

Pat Feelgood

As a lifelong supporter of the People for the ethical eating of Tasty Animals, Pat is used to the criticism and ridicule that comes from obnoxiously pushing your bs regular guests, Moony has found his niche among the druggies, vegans and people who are generally too nice to express their annoyance. Moony was the last of many children his father had with many women and received the least attention or money as a result. Although lacking in vital emotional support as a child, Moony was rich in enlightened rhetoric imparted from both of his flower-child parents. From conspiracy theories to methods for survival in a state park without getting a job, Moony was immersed in the hippie culture from the time he was a baby. After years roaming from one park or campground to another, Moony finally found the mall where he could hang out 24/7 and take his professional leeching skills to the next level. A lifetime spent doing drugs of all kinds and sleeping around with hairy people of all types, however, has their toll on Moonyeliefs on others. So when she came across Moony Feelgood spouting his theorieMall Cops - Ronnie and Ppaul s about the true cause of 9/11 she knew she had found her match. Pat was born a hermaphrodite and chose to keep her parts intact as a protest to the barbaric people who enjoy eating animal flesh. After numerous beat-downs at the hands of boys in school she finally claimed her gender as female because she then became relatively immune from attack. Still regularly mistaken for a man Pat formed an “earth-bond” to her partner Moony to prove to everyone she was indeed female. She now promotes the vegan lifestyle by working at Veggie Weggie in the food court and leads by example, sticking to a strict diet of snack cakes and soda drinks with an occasional piece of fruit for allowfullscreendessert.

Father Richman

Father Richman is the resident priest in the International Mall of America. He frequently travels the entire mall handing out pamphlets, preaching the word and soliciting tithes from anyone who will listen. Though his appearance is that of a man of wealth, Father Richman insists his fortunes were made previous to him finding God in an Alabama prison ( where he served time for "white-collar" fraud ) and turning his life around. He then becamebox_headJupcake is an annoying but lovable baby shirt who is fascinated by causing mayhem and taking things away from any shirt in his path. Normal parents hold their offspring at bay in public, but Jupcake a minister and founded the largest church in the city where he figured he could do "God's work" the greatest, at the IMA. Though Father Richman has been cited numerous times by mall police for stalking activities, Father Richman insists he is trying to convince women and girls to dress more conservatively and only wants to recruit teenagers to join the award-winning church choir he has been directing himself for years.

Bily 'Scoot' Bob John Bob

Scoot the redneck is your typical southern man who loves beer, women and NASCAR but he is also known to be highly opinionated on a wide range of topics that he knows little to nothing about. Raised by hardcore Pentecostals who would never let Scoot date women, drink beer or enjoy UFB cage fighting, Scoot developed a deep hatred of authority and rules early on in life. While Scoot may claim patriotism and his undying love for the U.S.A. Scoot hypocritically hates police, corporations and the federal government. Scoot holds a very special type of hate for the IRS and contrary to his carefully crafted patriotic image he feels that he should not have to pay taxes of any sort. Scoot hates welfare even though half of his extended family receives food stamps or disability payments, he hates marijuana users even though he drinks constantly and he hates church even though he gets violent when anyone brings up evolution, gay marriage or the big bang theory. Scoot is as simple as he is contradictory and armed with a fourth grade education and a strong attraction to scantily clad underage females he trolls around the mall trying to have fun while avoiding more jail time or harassment lawsuits.


Shamumu is a whale of a woman with an appetite as large as her belly. Raised by hippies on a diet of strictly vegetables and tofu Shamumu developed a disdain for healthy eating early on in life. She spends her days grazing through the various restaurants in the food court from which she has rarely strayed for the past ten years. After she sued the mall for food poisoning she acquired by nearly eating herself into a coma, Shamumu has been able to eat for free as part of her settlement. The mall also furnishes a VIP garage that she can use to sleep in so that she can get back to eating as soon as possible. Shamumu gets her clothes custom made at the mall and she bathes in the mall car wash. A sharp-tongued pessimist that isn’t afraid to offend anyone in the mall due to her unique status, Shamumu is often left alone by all who wish to avoid confrontation with her giant frame or her even bigger ego.


Shesus is the benevolent being that some believe created all clothes and will take them up to his sweatshop in the sky if they manage to behave. Often called "The Heavenly Tailor" he visits the IMCA to bestow wisdom and also to smite and make his presence felt. Although the book says that Shesus works for justice and light it is sometimes unclear how his ends justify the means. Father Richman often reminds clothes that if you invite the wrath of Shesus ( or if you don't pay your tithes and offerings ) he will rain vengeance down upon you for eternity and burn your soul forever.

SGT Silvera

Sergeant Silvera is a former Marine drill instructor who recruits young patriots at the International Mall of America. Sergeant Silvera has zero tolerance for disrespect, foolish behavior or people who have any ill feelings towards America. A highly trained killing machine with years of combat experience overseas, Silvera is undoubtedly more competent to guard the mall than any of the mall cops employed by the suits. He honors his oath to weed out threats both foreign and domestic by stalking around the mall looking for suspicious characters that appear to be up to no good. Because the mall is international and is visited by hundreds of tourists daily, Silvera frequently finds himself confronting oddly behaving foreigners who may or may not actually have bad intentions in mind. Silvera could not care less however and takes any and every opportunity to intimidate and interrogate anyone he feels is out of place. Many ofs back to working harder than before. Planning to acquire website and use drawings inspired by Mare mostly done with our next animated comedy skit A shy and quiet woman from the mountains of Buttstank Mitochondrial SleeveMike Jersey p finished. Next Prhead8/24/12 - Itoject TBD. Finalizing animated launch content and pitch content. This is the polishing stage for all content and code. istan, Burka Durka met Fahqmed while hdiv class= finished. Next Project TBD. Finalizing animated launch content and pitch content. This is the polishing stage for all content and code. e was searching for his first third wife. He acquired her through a trade of 9 pieces of goat cheese and 11 pieces of camel jerkey. Fahqmedypril awesomeness to enhance new projects. s most impressive variety store Ben has access to items of all types from guns to high-level technologies. Although Ben is known as a prankster and trash-talking champion you will never see this stealthy shirt clown around with his money or his freedom. the "mall rats" who regularly patrol the mall are familiar with Silvera but still get "yoked up" from time to time when he feels the need to unleash some aggression that he normally could not get away with on average tourists. Scoot John Bob and Sly are two of his favorite targets, but no one gets him quite as heated as Fahqmed. Smashing hippie protests, scaring off would-be terrorists and demanding free stuff for his contributions to the country are Silvera's specialty and he is all too happy to extend his services for the foreseeable future.

Slohamhead bin Turban

Slohamhead may have a traditional name but other than that he is an outcast of his society. He owns a specialty store in the Buttstankistan desert that moves daily to avoid persecution from the brutal authorities in his country. Unlike others in Buttstankistan Slohamhead freely admits to watching porn, smoking hash and having wives under the age of ten. He blogs about resistance and dreams of one day starting a political party that will oppress everyone and allow zero freedom for anyone but himself. He believes that the biggest problem in Buttstankistan is that he is not the ruler of it.


Sloppy Joe is a nasty beggar from New Orleans who has spent most of his adult life in the streets or in jail. “Sloppy” THE SHLOG WIJangles was the first pair of jeans thrown out from the sweatshop because a slow worker made one leg shorter than the other, pcausing humiliatidiv class=?php } ?on that turne d BoLL CONTAIN UPDATES, THOUGHTS, PREDICTIONS AND RANTS ABOUT THE SHIRT HAPPENS UNIVERSE, OUR COMEDY, THE WEBSITE Awelcome_text . $i) != NULL){ echo of_get_option(ND ANYTHING ELSE. serve and protecthas done many disgusting things throughout his life to sustain his addiction to hard drugs and alcohol and this has taken a devastating toll on his appearance. Sloppy has contracttwo_third welcome-boxed many STDs as a result of his lifestyle but his current condition can be best described as Herpa-Ghono-syphill-AIDS. Most of Sloppy’s day is spent digging through trash cans or following DJ around hoping he will get lucky and catch him passing out. Sloppy /ais not allowed to use the restrooms or enter the food court in the mall so he has adapted by creating his own sanctuary behind a dumpster in the parking garage.

Slivonious 'Sly' Jackson

Sly is a proud black tee whose hard-knock lifestyle has led him to be widely considered as the most street-wise shirt in the entire mall. One day Sly hopes to open up a hip-hop store / nightclub in the mall but for now he mainly just hangs around trying to make new contacts. Though he has no "real" job, Sly does not steal but simply "acquires" the commodities he needs to sustain his lifestyle. Sly is convinced that if he can just get in good with the right person at the mall that the suits will no longer be able to hold him down and he will be able to start his business in one of the most popular places in town. Frequently followed and harassed by mall cops and store owners alike, Sly has earned his nickname by quickly being able to disappear using his thorough knowledge of the mall's intricate passageways and off-limit areas. Many times Sly can get away with breaking common mall rules like smoking and drinking because no one yet has been able to catch up to him to arrest him or issue a ticket. Sly doesn't worry about getting caught though; he knows that the owners of Blood Diamond Jewelers would make sure he was allowed to come back because he and his associates account for a full tenth of their entire yearly income. Everyone knows that if you cannot find something in the stores because demand is high, all you have to do is locate Sly and for the right price he will be sure to find it.

Smedley Futbucker

Smedley started his career as a tabloid vulture reporting on celebrity gossip, cute neglected babies and tasteless coverage of local tragedies. Never one to let the truth get in the way of a good segment, Smedley played the game well and after two years of dating some fruity executives he managed to get the assignment of a lifetime as the anchor of Faux News' nightly news hour. Now that he is recognized ( and hated ) nationwide Smedley continues to use his platform to spout off partisan political BS while simultaneously and hypocritically reporting only on stories that fit his agenda.

The Sox

The Sox are a gang of highly irritated and extremely aggressive socks that have tunneled their way out of jail and into the back of a dryer in one of the IMCA laundromats. The Sox have no leader, follow no rules and will often openly debate their plans in hushed whispers before unleashing their collective judgment upon offending shirts. There is no doubt that the presence of the Sox can only lead to mayhem being brought to any shirt within striking distance. Their signature move is a bolt of lightning that they create from static electricity by rubbing against each other furiously.

Titan Magnus

The current reigning Ultimate F’n Beatdown Heavyweight Champion, Titan Magnus is a self-absorbed brute who loves attention almost as much as he loves smashing people’s bones. He frequently visits the mall to drum up attention to his upcoming fights and more importantly himself. Signing autographs and doing interviews with the media are just secondary pursuits that Titan does to fulfill his contractual obligations. The real reason Titan comes to the mall is meet women and collect the gifts of shop owners seeking endorsements or those who are simply fans. A cocky, intimidating and unapologetic personality to be sure, Titan is no slouch and takes advantage of every opportunity to rough up misbehaving mall shoppers. Any thieving, violent or just plain obnoxious mall guest had better watch their flank because Titan is known to strike quickly and without warning. No law officer yet has been brave enough to try and arrest Titan so he continues unabated in his quest for fame and glory unrivaled in the history of combat sports.

Wan Hung Lo

Wan Hung Lo is a Japanese national who moved to the United States to enrich himself by taking advantage of the current American infatuation with sushi bars. Wan is extremely prejudice and does not believe that any culture is equal to the one in which he was raised. This superiority complex makes Wan prone to seemingly random outbursts of anger whenever he reaches his "stupidity threshold" and can no longer stand to listen to empty-minded small talk from his American customers. Trained as a boy in the way of the ninja, Wan's butcher knife rarely leaves his side. He carries it around the mall which at times causes concern but the mall cops are too afraid to confront Wan due to both political correctness and the fact that Wan may just chop them into sushi squares. Wan hates China and becomes particularly infuriated when people refer to his cuisine as "chinese food." Wan is highly intelligent due to the fact that his parents beat him repeatedly for anything less than perfect grades, and he is considered very wise on a variety of subjects including Eastern medicine and of course, math. Although somewhat of an enigma in the mall Wan is said to only be truly happy while fishing, cooking or practicing shirt-jitsu.

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